Remember snow? Sigh. What a strange thing to have a thunderstorm in January.
I have been so inspired by all the amazing people in my life (both cyber, physical, and fictional) this season. I am determined to no longer accomodate for fear of rejection, but instead to follow Max's lead and do things because I want to, not just because something or someone is pressuring me to, not least the many voices in my head.
To begin I have made some major changes: Instead of ergonomic chairs and conference calls, I am working three -four days a week at a yarn shop I love (Go Woolcott!). Sometimes the day brings amazing people I would never otherwise have met, sometimes challenging customers who desperately need someone to whom they can tell their story. Sometimes the UPS gods smile and we get Possum yarn, sometimes we get less-exciting -but-absolutely-needed needles. And with the other precious precious time, I am clearing brush in the jungle of my mind.
I often feel spoiled rotten by this opportunity to take some space. It is so very easy to feel bad.
If nothing else, knitting has taught me to be patient with my own shortcomings. Somehow I can be open to making mistakes with yarn in a way that is unavailable to me in daily life. My intention this year is to be open to being wrong, and having better judgment about what is actually important.
In that spirit, two situations in which I did what I wanted in the face of other advice, one knitting - one other:
1. I knit these thumbies at the incredibly tight gauge of 9.5 stitches per inch. Sean warned me. Danielle, too. They came out so stiff, they could stop bullets, and unfortunately, I couldn't get them over my hands. Sigh. But the fabric came out pretty cool, right?
2. I recently entirely ignored someone I had known well a few years ago. She is one of those people who is always in need of attention. She stood right behind me in a line. And I was exhausted and didn't want to be her friend again, so despite the persistent screaming of the voice in my head telling me how mean I was, I tucked my chin under and walked right out of the store.
Either of these situations could be defined as a mistake. I think the trick for me is to stop worrying so much about mistakes. But I haven't quite figured out a way not to feel bad. Any thoughts?